


kneeling FOR YOU

by FailureArtist



Series: Hot Mess [6]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dubious Consent, Infidelity, Non-Sgrub AU, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-25
Updated: 2011-10-25
Packaged: 2017-10-24 23:07:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/268907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FailureArtist/pseuds/FailureArtist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if, in "My Motherfucking Best Friend", Gamzee had emailed Equius instead?</p>
            </blockquote>





	kneeling FOR YOU

**Author's Note:**

> You need to read "My Motherfucking Best Friend" to understand this. Lupine Durand came up in that fic. I created him as a plot device, changed his name from Aetlas Telmon, and then became really obsessed with him. Read more in "Hungry like the Wolf" if you actually care about him.

                Equius wiped off his blood-covered fists with the towel he had brought with him. Since he was so nervous on his trip to Gamzee’s hive, the towel was already wet. He looked at the green stain on the white fabric and shuddered a little. The shade was too close to Nepeta’s for his own comfort. His views towards the lower bloods had soften over the sweeps, but he wasn’t about to let a mere greenblood molest the Highblood.

                Though the corpse was large, Equius easily picked it up and threw it into the sea. The troll had put up a good fight, he thought. Under his fat the troll had quite a lot of muscle and he took quite the pounding before he finally died. The land aristocrat could admire that, even if he found the lowblood unspeakable lewd. If only he had some manners, he could have been fine cannon fodder for the Empire.

                Equius wiped his hands again and walked up to hive. He pounded as cautiously as he could on the walls (he wouldn’t dare try to knock on the door) but found no answer. He sweated even more and wiped his forehead, smearing green on his forehead. He wanted to be polite towards the Highblood, but panic set in. He twisted the doorknob off and knocked down the door. He looked wildly around for a sign of Gamzee and finding none, he leapt up to the second floor. Two more doors were destroyed before he found him lying in a filthy mess. Equius roared in anger.

                Gamzee lifted his head to see where the sound was coming from. Equius was no expert in the subject but he knew the stoner was heavily intoxicated. No wonder he had let himself be used that way. Equius had heard rumors that Gamzee had fallen into disgrace but he didn’t believe it until now. Gamzee was naked, bruised, and was that genetic material dripping out of his nook? Equius averted his eyes. The troll needed a bath, but it was too risky and improper for him to pick up the indigoblood. How would he clean him? Equius had brought only one towel and it was too dirty now. He growled in frustration. Where was the bathroom in this place? Equius destroyed two more doors in his search, but he found it. Inside was an impressive collection of towels. He grabbed them and raced back to the almost unconscious troll and started wiping him off the best.

                                The stoner stirred. “Why aren’t ya lookin’ at me?” he asked, “Wanna see them eyes.”

                Equius was looking away. He gritted his teeth and obeyed the Highblood.

                                “Blue,” was all Gamzee said before passing out.

                Equius sighed. It didn’t seem like Gamzee recognized him. He wasn’t too offended. This was his first time seeing Gamzee in person. He thought the clown wore makeup, but it seems he was mistaken. Either that or his new look was complete nudity. Hopefully it wasn’t that.

                He clothed the naked troll in towels and then sat down by his side. The Highblood had summoned him via email, and Equius was honor-bounded to follow his command. At least, he assumed that’s what he meant by his email. It was a very strange email. No matter. His superior would explain it when he got sober.

                Equius sat there all through the day and through a good deal of the evening doing nothing. Finally, Gamzee woke from his stupor.

                                “Huh, wha,” he mumbled, “Who the fuck are you?”

                                “I am Equius Zahhak, seven sweeps old, two hundred forty degrees, SIR!”

                Gamzee cocked his head. He barred his fangs a little.

                                “What the fuck does that mean? Degrees?” he hissed.

                                 “It means I’m a blueblood,” Equius answered calmly and politely.

                Gamzee looked down at his shirt.

                                “I can tell already, motherfucker, it’s on yo own shirt.”

                                “Yes. I suppose so. I’m sorry.”

                Gamzee looked down further to Equius’ shorts.

                                “Did I fuck you?” he asked, “I feel like I did. You look pretty hungover, I mean, hung. Like a musclebeast or something.”

                                “I…I…” Equius was feeling very uncomfortable, to say the least.

                                “Don’t take it out or anything, I already know. I can feel it in my nook,” he croaked out, “Please just leave, man.”

                                “You summoned me here, sir.”

                                “Sum-summoned?”

                                 “Sir, you sent me an email.”

                                “When do I do things like send emails?”

                                “You sent it to me two nights ago.”

                                “Why would I send you an email? I just can’t…” Gamzee’s head shot up a bit, “You the musclebeast loving dude, right?”

                                “Yes…”

                                “What the fuck would I want from you?”

                                “I was hoping, you could explain.”

                                “I can’t explain anything!” Gamzee cried, “I don’t know what the fuck I want!”

                He grabbed his head and started rocking back and forth.

                                “Email email email motherfucking EMAIL!” he chanted, “Fuckin’ Mirthful Messiahs, I can’t help you, bro!”

                Equius gave Gamzee a submissive smile.

                                “I want to help you, sir.”

                Gamzee stopped moving and stared at him for several seconds.

                                “I’m gonna be sick,” he mumbled.

                He then shot up and ran naked to his bathroom to vomit. Instead of reaching the toilet, he threw up in the bathtub. Equius cringed as the hungover troll vomited for what seemed like a half minute. Equius got up and sat on his knees next to him. The troll finished vomiting and looked up at his old friend. His old friend put his hands on his knees and bowed his head.

                                “Please,” Gamzee answered, “Please help this motherfucker kick the tin.”

                Equius face lit up and he gave another rare smile.

                                “I would be honored to do so, Highblood!” he cried.

                Gamzee laughed and coughed a little.

                                “You were always the one tellin’ me to stop pollutin’ myself, so I guess I will. It’s all I can do for you now. Well, except for the other things.”

                                Equius blushed. “I am NOT here for that, I assure you.”

                                “Sure you are.”

                Gamzee fell down beside the tub.

                                “Now first command, cause you’re a commandin’ dude, first command is to clean up this tub so I can wash off all this shit.”

                Equius looked at Gamzee’s sprawled body, and then looked away.

                                “Yes SIR!”

                He then bounded out the bathroom, but stopped when he saw the recupercoon. First thing first. He carefully capchaloged the entire thing, walked downstairs and outside, and destroyed it. He then search the hive for paper towels and other cleaning supplies. His sixth sense about those things helped him out. He went back upstairs. When he entered the bathroom, Gamzee was lying in a pile of towels. Equius went over and started scrubbing the tub. He did a very through and careful job.

                                “I’m done, sir,” he said.

                                “Good,” Gamzee replied.

                He threw the towel covering him off and crawled over to the bathtub. Equius didn’t want to look, but he did. He was disgusted at how weak Gamzee looked.

                Gamzee got into the tub and turned on the water. He then laid back and sighed. Equius went to leave.

                                Gamzee called out, “You leavin’ me, bro? Just going back to your hive?”

                Equius turned back around.

                                “No, sir,” he said.

                He knelt down obediently beside the tub with his hands clenched on his knees. Gamzee looked over at him.

                                “You wanna wash me?” he asked.

                                Not looking at him, Equius answered, “It would be a great honor to do so.”

                                “Huh? Then get a washcloth or something.”

                Equius got one from the towel pile. He wetted it and slowly, inch by inch, he brought it to the least erotic part of Gamzee he could find. He very gingerly touched Gamzee’s elbow over and over. It wasn’t very effective. After five minutes of this, Gamzee stood up and got out of the tub to fall into the pile of towels.

                                “This is gonna be a long night, isn’t it?” he said.

* * *

 

                It was a long night. The day was long too, and the night after that. The third night came and finally Gamzee asked Equius the question that had been on his mind.

                                “Are we moirails now?”

                Equius looked over at Gamzee. They were both sitting on the floor of his respiteblock.

                                “I’m sorry, sir,” he said, “I’m already taken.”

                                “By who?” Gamzee almost yelled.

                                “By Nepeta, don’t you remember?” Equius answered in a confused tone of voice, “She’s the young greenblood who playacts as her lusus.”

                                “Oh, the cat cat.” Gamzee growled, “Fuck.”

                                “I’m sorry I can’t be your moirail.”

                                “But you care about me, right, bro? You pity me, right?”

                                “Yes, I do.”

                                “And you’ve always wanted to fuck me, right?”

                                “I wouldn’t say that…”

                                “So let’s be matesprits, bro.”

                Equius looked away and blushed.

                                “I have a matesprit already,” he said, “Aradia Megido.”

                                “I disgust you, isn’t that right?”

                                “I shouldn’t say that!”

                                “But you do, so you can just hate me.”

                                “Sir, I already have a kismesis. His name is Lupine Durand and he would be very crossed if I was unfaithful to him.”

                                Gamzee gave a sigh that sounded like a honk. “So there isn’t any fucking quadrant this motherfucker could get into.”

                                “There is the ashen quadrant…”

                                “Nobody gives a fuck about no ashen quadrant, man!” Gamzee stared at Equius. “So, what are we? Are we motherfucking best friends?”

                                Equius answered sternly, “Friendship is a disease.”

                                “Huh?”

                                “I came here because you are the Highblüd.”

                Gamzee started laughing.

                                “It’s my blood again, it’s the fucking punchline again!” he said, “The only reason anyone cares about me is cause I bleed funny.”

                                “I’m sure there are other trolls who care about you.” Equius paused. “Doesn’t Vantas have some sort of relationship with you?”

                                “Nah, fuck him. He hasn’t been around in ages.”

                                “I’m sorry to hear that.”

                Gamzee stood up uneasily.

                                “Fuck,” he muttered, “Fuck. Godfucking damn. I ain’t got nobody and you got three trolls to love you.”

                He took a few steps, pacing the room.

                                “See, I always thought you had some sort of thing for me. You’d troll me up, call me terrible but then say how awesome I was, being a Highblood. Sometimes it sounded like concern, like you wanted to be my patron, but a lot of times it sounded like you wanted me to beat you up while you beat off.

                                “But now you finally came and you say ‘sorry, bro, already got a motherfucker to beat me up’. Who the fuck is this douchebag?”

                                “He’s a blüblüd who…”

                                “I figured he was one. You’d want a highblood who ain’t a seablood. You don’t like fish, don’t you?”

                                “No, sir, other than Feferi, and the Empress, of course.”

                                “Yeah, fuck fish. But really, I don’t care who that Lupe guy is. He’s probably better than me.”

                                “I wouldn’t necessarily say that, but he is very STRONG and very, well, gifted, and we are very much in love…”

                Gamzee grabbed his head.

                                “Just stop talkin’ about him! I don’t fuckin’ care about that fuckin’ peasantblood!”

                                “Peasantblüd?”

                                “Fuckin’ blood, causing me all this shit, I can’t deal with it!”

                Gamzee seemed to vibrate with rage. He then quickly spun around to face Equius.

                                “equius zahhak,” he whispered, then said, “I ORDER YOU TO LOVE ME.”

                                Equius was conflicted for a moment, but then answered, “I’m sorry, but that’s one thing you cannot order me to do. It’s against the rules of romance.”

                Gamzee just smiled wide.

                                “that’s okay,” he said sweetly, “I’LL JUST FUCK YOU UNTIL YOU LOVE ME.”

* * *

 

                Equius woke up, naked and alone in Gamzee’s respiteblock. He had passed out after Gamzee had strangled him. He groaned as he sat up, and groaned more when he saw Gamzee’s sign carved into his chest. That would be hard to explain to Lupine. He looked down to see more evidence of his black infidelity seeping out of him. He had really done it. He had black sex with someone other than his sourspade.

                The sex was very good, and very unlike sex with Lupine. There was actual foreplay, for instance. Gamzee really got into his head. He was so terrified the entire time, even though the skinny troll was less physically threatening than Lupine. He didn’t think Gamzee could hurt him so much but the experienced troll knew all these little sensitive spots that Lupine had only just found out about. Gamzee wasn’t as even well-endowed as Equius was, but he made up for that with his creative use of his club. And the part at the end, when Gamzee strangled him, Equius felt like he could see god. Lupine wasn’t into strangulation and besides, he didn’t have the control for it.  Gamzee somehow knew the right point to stop. That hour had been exquisite.

                Yet there was something missing. There was intensity, yes, but not passion. Equius didn’t have those feelings for Gamzee. He sensed that despite it all, Gamzee didn’t have those feelings for him. It was more like the highblood was servicing him, and he found that very disconcerting. There were many times when Gamzee didn’t look at him, and when he did his stare was blank and glassy. 

                Equius put on his clothes, ignoring his disgraceful nookstain. He heard sad honks coming from the bathroom, so he went in. Gamzee was huddled naked in the corner, eating a strange green muffin and crying. He looked up at Equius.

                                “You’re alive?” he asked, “Thank gods for that.”

                Equius kneeled down next to him.

                                “What’s wrong, sir?” he asked as if it weren’t self-evident.

                                Gamzee said, “I fucked you, didn’t I?”

                Equius then noticed the genetic material oozing down his thighs. He crossed his legs and looked back up at Gamzee.

                                “Yes, yes you did,” he answered.

                                “Fuuuuuuuuck, I did.”

                Equius thought this was a strange reply. Didn’t he know what happened? Wasn’t he there? Could Gamzee really be that…eccentric?

                                Gamzee then said, “I’m sorry, bro, really, sorry I went all black on you.”

                                “Do not worry. You did not hurt me. I’m very STRONG.”

                                “Shit, that’s not the issue. It’s just I totally ruined your beautiful relationship.”

                                “If it’s any consolation,  I…I could have always stopped you. If I wanted to.”

                                “That’s the thing, you have to do what I say, don’t know why, but you do, and I made you cheat on your boyfriend.”

                That was true. Equius couldn’t deny it. Gamzee was responsible for his infidelity. It still didn’t seem right for the indigoblood to apologize to him.

                Gamzee took a big bite out of the muffin and continue talking, spraying green crumbs as he did.

                                “And now I’m on the tin again. I’m eating these sopor muffins, ate a fuckload, and soon I’ll be high.”

                                “If I had known, I would have disposed of them immediately.”

                                “Who cares? I might as well get high!”

                He sounded high already. He stretched his long legs out and sat in a lewd manner. Equius looked at him without modesty. He could not believe he had just had sex with this person.  Gamzee looked so weak and frail. He didn’t have the domineering presence that so aroused him only minutes ago.  He was pathetic, and not in an endearing way. Rather than hate or pity, he just filled Equius with annoyance. How could he cheat on Lupine with someone inferior to his kismesis in everything but blood?

                Gamzee finished that last muffin and then started laughing for no reason. He looked at Equius with heavy eyes.

                                “You do anything I say, don’t you? That’s what you’re like. You’re my motherfucking bro-butler, serving it up.”

                                “Yes…” Equius said uneasily.

                                “You,” Gamzee said, pointing at him, “love me,” he pointed at himself, “any quadrant.”

                Equius’ jaw dropped. He was afraid of this. Despite it all, he still felt the need to submit to the Highblood.

                                “I’m…sorry, sir. I said it before. I can’t be ordered to love you.”

                                “Oh yeah, forgot. It’s okay.”

                Equius breathed out in relief.

                                Gamzee said, “Just stay with me forever.”

* * *

 

                Equius was trapped with Gamzee. He couldn’t leave the hive now. He felt like he couldn’t even leave the room. That command went deep down into him. He couldn’t resist it. It wasn’t just because he was obedient. Somehow, despite Gamzee’s frail and small body, he was afraid of him. Perhaps it was because he knew from the black sex that Gamzee was much stronger than he looked. There was also a strange aura around him that made even Equius terrified of him. If he resisted, he knew his heart would be filled with unbearable guilt until he was executed by the Highblood. 

                It would have been different if Lupine had asked him to stay with him forever. Equius would have stayed with him, but by this time he would have asked relevant questions like how long forever was supposed to be and if he could go to his hive to inform his lusus and get his things. With Gamzee, he just ignored the behemoth in the block. Neither of them brought up the command.

                At least Gamzee hadn’t commanded him to love him, or forced him to have sex. He hadn’t gotten back on the sopor, though that didn’t mean much given there wasn’t any. He just sat around all night twirling and juggling his clubs. He was just playing, but it intimidated Equius.

                Equius knew things couldn’t stay this way. They need an auspictise. He had no idea who it should be. There was Kanaya but he hadn’t heard from her in a long time and from what he heard she was burnt on conciliatory romance. Karkat was formally close to Gamzee but he was too disreputable. In some cases, a moirail can act as an austictise, but he wasn’t going to dare put Nepeta in danger’s way. His thoughts kept going back to Lupine. It was ridiculous to have a kismesis act as an auspictise, but maybe he could just disrupt the situation so that Equius could at least leave. Only then could he find a decent auspistice.

                Equius emailed Lupine with Gamzee’s husktop, and confessed to him what had happened. He told Lupine who Gamzee was, what he looked like, and where he lived. To put a finer point on it, he told Lupine that it was a bad idea to come. Lupine would be sure to come then.

                He replied surprisingly quick with an email saying he was going to kill Gamzee. Equius then realized this was what he wanted him to do. He wanted him to get rid of Gamzee Makara so he would never have to worry about this situation again.

                Tense hours passed. He sat in the room with Gamzee, but they didn’t talk. He toweled himself over and over but the sweat just kept coming. He tried to think about all the exquisite sex he’d had with his true kismesis but his thoughts kept turning to that one time with Gamzee. He decided to think about robots instead, but he was still distracted.

                When it was around the time Equius expected Lupine to come, Gamzee stood up to leave the room. Equius went to follow him, but Gamzee turned around and ordered him not to. He waited alone in that respiteblock. He could hear noises outside, some which sounded like Lupine, and to his shame he thrilled at the idea of Lupine subjugating Gamzee. The noises stopped. He heard the door open and the slow, steady footsteps on the stairs. Those footsteps didn’t sound like the fleet-footed hunter. The respiteblock door creaked open. Instead of Lupine, there was Gamzee, his body and clubs soaked in blue blood. He was smiling faintly.

                                “you should be more careful,” he said, “ALWAYS LOG OFF FIRST.”

                                “I didn’t mean for him to attack you, sir,” Equius lied.

                                “he didn’t attack me. I ATTACKED HIM.”

                                “Did you kill him?”

                Gamzee nodded.

                                “But how we’re you able to attack him? He’s a STRONG. He’s a great hunter. You should never have been able to get the drop on him.”

                Gamzee smiled stronger.

                                “wasn’t a thing to get his defenses down. I JUST OFFERED HIM BLACK SEX.”

                Equius bit down hard enough to break a tooth.

                                “That BASTARD!” he growled

                He didn’t care that he’d just cursed. He was just so angry. Lupine wasn’t the most faithful kismesis. But it was one thing raping lowbloods, it was another thing to have consensual black sex with another highblood right outside the hive.

                Gamzee chuckle a little and shook his head as if to say, “That’s who you chose?” He then uncapchalogued a head and held it up by the mullet.

                                “you wanna see your boyfriend?” he said as he threw the head, “HERE HE IS.”

                Equius caught the head and immediately dropped it. It was certainly Lupine Durand’s head. It was bruised, as if from clubs, and crudely sawed off. It bore a terrified look unmatched by Lupine’s normal reaction to vacuum cleaners. He was certainly conscious when he was decapitated. Most grotesque of all, stuffed in the mouth was Lupine’s own bone bulge.

                He fought back his vomit with reminders of his trollish dignity. Only now did it sink in that his lover was really dead. He would never again see his arrogant smirk, never again hear his lewd voice, never again smell his foul odor after hunting, never again feel his strong body pound relentlessly into him. He looked at the severed bone bulge. He was really going to miss that bone bulge.

                Seeing his pain Gamzee chuckled a little. His laughter slowly crescendo into howls as he threw his head back. As the laughter died down he rolled his head back and flicked a tear out of his eyes.

                                The murderous clown said, “one down. TWO MORE TO GO.”

                He stepped forward to the kneeling troll.

                                “so i ask you again: WILL YOU LOVE ME?”

                Equius took off his shades and wiped off his tear-stained eyes. He then said the only thing he could say:

                            “Yes.”   

**Author's Note:**

> I started this before Numi's interesting comments re:Gamzee's likeablity, but this story is interesting in light of them.


End file.
